just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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