I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
