Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
