help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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