worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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