what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
