No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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