yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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