It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
