i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
