Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
