rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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