Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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