I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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