it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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