PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
