So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
