He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
