my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
