Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
