girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
