508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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