just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
