i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
