you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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