hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
