Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
