a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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