The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i think i have two assholes
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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