my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
