i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
