I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
