He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
