Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
