You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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