apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
