i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
