she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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