that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
