Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Everclear isn't food dammit
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
