We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
