you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
