Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
