I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
