I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
