She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
