I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
