I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
