I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
