Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
