so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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